When it happens · 4 min read
They were trained, and now they're not
Few things feel more like a personal failure than a child who was dry for months and suddenly isn't.
It is one of the most predictable things in early childhood, and the instinct it produces — more attention, more encouragement, more charts — is usually the thing making it last.
Last updated August 3, 2026
Accidents were always part of it
Accidents continue for months after training looks finished, sometimes into three and four. That is documented and expected rather than a sign the training failed.
Treating each one as a setback is what converts a normal pattern into a source of dread for the child, and dread is what produces holding.
Regression is usually about something else
A new sibling, a house move, starting or changing nursery, a parent travelling, an illness. Regression around any of those is so common it is close to a rule.
The response that works is counterintuitive: drop the subject. Stop asking, stop reminding, stop rewarding, go back to whatever is easiest for a few weeks. Attention is the fuel, and removing it usually resolves within a month.
A new sibling in particular deserves naming out loud, because the regression is often a bid for the attention the baby is receiving. Meeting that need directly — a protected ten minutes that is not about the toilet at all — works better than anything applied to the toilet itself.
The holding loop
One painful, hard poo is enough to start it. The child holds on to avoid repeating it, holding makes the next one harder and more painful, and the fear is confirmed. From the outside it looks like refusal or stubbornness; from the inside it is entirely rational.
Breaking it requires making the stool soft again first — which usually means a conversation with your pediatrician rather than a home remedy — and simultaneously removing every ounce of pressure. Treating it as behaviour while the physical cause continues does not work.
Night is a separate thing entirely
Night dryness is not the second half of daytime training. It depends on bladder capacity and on waking to a full bladder, neither of which can be taught or rewarded into existence.
About one in four children is still wetting the bed at five. It is more common in boys and it runs in families — if a parent was a late bedwetter, that is usually the whole explanation. It is not generally treated as a problem until after five.
Common questions
- Should I put them back in nappies?
- For a genuine regression, going back to whatever is least stressful for a few weeks is a reasonable choice and not a defeat. The pressure coming off is the active ingredient.
- Do reward charts help?
- They can during initial training. During a regression they usually make it worse, because they add attention and stakes to the exact thing you want to become unremarkable.
Where this comes from
Every claim on this page traces to one of these. See every source we use →
Written from the sources named above, and it is not a substitute for your own doctor. If something feels wrong to you, that instinct is a good enough reason to call — you know this child better than any page does.