How much sleep do they actually need?

Between three and five, ten to thirteen hours per twenty-four including naps. Once the nap goes, all of it has to come from the night, which usually means an earlier bedtime than the one that worked before.

Is a later bedtime fine if they sleep in?

It shifts the clock rather than solving it, and it rarely survives contact with nursery or school. A consistent wake time is the more useful anchor.

When it happens · 4 min read

Bedtime takes two hours and you've lost the evening

One more story, another drink, the specific soft toy, a sudden urgent question about death. The repertoire is remarkably consistent across households.

It persists because it works, and it works for a structural reason that is fixable.

Last updated August 3, 2026

Undefined numbers invite negotiation

If the number of stories is not stated, every story is a negotiation about whether there will be another. The child is not being difficult; they are responding rationally to an open question.

Decide the number in advance and say it before you start. 'Two books, then lights off' turns each page into progress toward a known end rather than a bid for more. The same works for drinks, kisses and trips to the toilet — a stated allowance that you then hold to.

Holding to it is the whole mechanism. An allowance that expands under pressure teaches that pressure expands allowances, and it takes very few nights to learn.

Overtired looks like wired

A child who is short of sleep does not appear sleepy. They appear faster, louder, sillier and less able to lose a game gracefully. Parents reasonably read that as 'not tired yet' and push bedtime later, which makes the next evening worse.

Moving bedtime earlier is counterintuitive and frequently works. So does a consistent wake time — it does more for a wobbly bedtime than anything you do in the evening, and sleeping in to compensate for a late night keeps the cycle going.

The return, done boringly

When they get out, walk them back with as little conversation, eye contact and drama as you can manage. Brief, dull and repeated beats any explanation.

The first few nights are usually worse before they are better, because a strategy that previously worked is being tested harder before it is abandoned. Knowing that in advance is most of what gets people through it.

Keep the rest of the routine identical. The predictability is doing the work — same order, same songs, same lights.

When it is not a behaviour problem

Snoring, gasping, or apparent pauses in breathing during sleep are worth raising — disrupted sleep from an airway problem presents as behaviour, and treating it as behaviour goes nowhere.

So does a child who genuinely cannot fall asleep despite a settled routine, or who is visibly exhausted during the day. And restless, uncomfortable legs at bedtime has its own specific causes worth asking about.

Common questions

How much sleep do they actually need?: Between three and five, ten to thirteen hours per twenty-four including naps. Once the nap goes, all of it has to come from the night, which usually means an earlier bedtime than the one that worked before.
Is a later bedtime fine if they sleep in?: It shifts the clock rather than solving it, and it rarely survives contact with nursery or school. A consistent wake time is the more useful anchor.

Where this comes from

How much sleep children actually need, by ageAASM

Every claim on this page traces to one of these. See every source we use →

Written from the sources named above, and it is not a substitute for your own doctor. If something feels wrong to you, that instinct is a good enough reason to call — you know this child better than any page does.